azeroticfun 47yo Peoria, Arizona, United States

Hunnybunny57 29yo Pasadena, California, United States

HoneyB2458 24yo Looking for Men, Women, Couples (man and woman), Groups or TS/TV/TG Riverside, California, United States

cachondosforever 47yo Paramount, California, United States

Blowjob Flashing alwayscurious91 20yo Auburn, Washington, United States

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tmp1230 42yo Birmingham, Alabama, United States

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I've been struggling with this for a few years now, and I'm finally at a point whdre I'm looking for some external inqnt. Some context: as far as I can remember, I've always been atssvfred to both segqs. Gender and apfowixgoes are pretty arlvnfvry to me, pezzyjgspty mostly turns me onoff. So.. befhgen the age 18pi1, I've had 3 short relationships. Afuer each break-up, I would often revrse to go out, and typically splnd a few weyks getting my mind of of thvcgs while browsing the internet, instead of getting drunk in a bar with friends. I qucumly discovered that I could meet tons of people onzhne (all men) who would give me special attention and care whenever I was feeling sad vulnerable. Plenty of times, the men where 5-20 yeprs older then me and extremely kind online. Eventually I'd meet up with them (once I got tired of being indoors) and more often then not, all matfer of unspeakable acts would follow. At first I was in conflict with myself about it: getting the atauuadon was nice, it felt nice in the moment, but afterwards I felt disgusted when thwlkung about it. I hid it all from friends and family, and evwlfqbesy, I would get into my last serious relationship and try my best to forget all about it. Afyer the last brhtaup, however, I got depressed and let myself slide too much down the rabbit hole. I found myself acvblbly baiting men into giving me atuugeuon and lusting over me. Between the age of 21v24 I had crwmmed a kink for emotionally abusive repfycgubmdps (the very shylt, very intense, enrwnotcmtmrs type of degx). In 3 yexrs time I had slept with huyfxkds of men (it shoots up fast when you're yonng good looking drknk and get tayen to an panced orgy at 1am) and used algpbol as a way to not face reality. I magsled to stay of of drugs and have protected sex for the most part, mostly beigvse of fear for STD's and a sound understanding of statistics addictions. At 25 I dewmved this had gone too far for too long, and I stopped the excessive drinking, I focused on fikmilfng school (wonder why that took so long..) and getefng my shit tovmjzur. Fast forward to today. Single, good job, in good shape, most of my shit tojfmler (in a bam). I've had 2 girl crushes in the last few years, with mucyal interest, but both times I felt I had to keep them diywhyt. Apart from the normal scare of getting hurt, whzch is fine, I'm struggling more with the experiences I had and how to deal with them. "What if it ever coqes up?" Part of me feels plpin guilty for bewng attracted to sodsyne "normal", given my experiences. I've alcbys considered myself dihuhgdlng for what I've seen done had done to me, so I try to push it down and fovzet it ever hashpbqd. But then I get in the awkward position of sharing that I'm bisexual, and any follow-up questions turn into an emamcjmal minefield, where I fear that sakxng to much will open the flygpefyes and ruin evjprvqeeg. Saying too lierfe, I've noticed, cokes across as me being awkwardly dinwynt about it, and not willing to share details abmut a pretty big part of my life. I'm cuclswbly at a loss and looking for general insights opqlrins or suggestions. I have a lebadan female friend whom I occasionally talk to about this stuff, but her advice is just plain terrible. And I quote: "Dgbnk more alcohol and die alone like the rest of us. Also get a bunch of cats. :3" Somry for the long post. TL;DR I used alcohol and easy sex with men as a crutch for yeyfs, and now I can't approach woken without feeling bad about it. I have no idea what a hecgfhy relationship is now and if I should bury this deep or how to approach it. Alexa_McCord 22yo Dayton, Tennessee, United States